I have always wondered... What if some things in my life never occured?
What if some people never passed by my life?
I think my life would be really different...
A) Name 5 entities in your life that you think has made the greatest impact towards you.
- My parents are Christians
- I have two brothers
- I met Dominic
- I met Samuel
- I met Chong Loon
B) With each entity, describe how life would be different if the situation was different.
1. My parents are Christians
If my parents were not Christians, I would not be a Christian too, coz knowing my nature, I'd delve into study of religion vs science. Eventually, practically (in the worldly sense) would outweigh the nubius reality of supernaturality. Thus making me a hardcore atheist.
Thus being said, it would have an extremely profound impact on my life - one of the biggest in fact.
Firstly, I would not know music. Because the reason my parents wanted me to learn piano was to serve in the church. This would hamper my ability to serve in the choir, and most likely, I would not be able to eventually become the president some day.
Secondly, I would not have much friends. Because by nature, I'm a pretty quiet person. I don't really socialize well in large groups of friends, preferring to stick to one or two.
Thirdly, my moral values will be pretty much down the drain. Without a guiding principle, or a focus in life, I would have stumbled down one of the many way-routes I encountered in my life..
2. I have two brothers
Like it or not, the fact that I have 2 brothers plays an extremely pivotal role in changing the course of my destiny....
Firstly, being the middle child, I was always subject to much neglect when I was young. Frankly. Coz, my parents needed to take care of my younger brother, and they spend alot of time trying to understand my elder brother, presuming that he was taking care of me. This caused me to be quite estranged from my parents and subsequently cause me to dislike them for a period of time
Secondly, with 2 brothers, I hardly ever got what I wanted. Though since young, I was never really in the habit of asking for presents, I always wanted alot of things... Though I knew I would never get them. I also got tons of hand me downs, because both my elder and younger brothers are bigger size then me.
If I were the only child, I'd have the computer all to myself in the early years, and knowing my love for technology, I'd most likely be a pretty accomplished technologist before I even reached 18.
If I were the only child, I'd have lots and lots of clothes! My friends will never ask me "why do you wear the same clothes for one whole year?" and "this clothes are so out of season!".
If I were the only child, I may not be doing so well now, because I would not have the standard set by an accomplished elder brother to meet, and an ultra-smart younger brother barking up your backside breaking every accomplishment you made with ease.
yeah. If I were the only child.
3) I met Dominic.
He is the person that I met for the shortest time in my life, and yet made the most profound and direct change in me.
If I had not met Dominic, I think I'd be somewhere 6 feet below, or on one of the palicide shelves at the cemetery.
No. I'm not joking, because.... I really belive that Dominic is God's answer to my prayer. He came at the time when I was really depressed. And he made me belive in love again...
When they said "all you need is love", they really meant it.. because I realized that I could endure the crazy amount of workload and stress just to know that somebody loves me...
To know that the some one you love, loves you, is enough for you to die for that person. Because you know that he would do the same for you too.
It makes you feel that you want to live your life so that he will be happy, to make him happy...
For once, I understood what it felt like to be truly in love.
That is the turning point in my life...
4) I met Samuel
If you've read my past entries, you would have known that my very first boyfriend was Samuel. A childhood friend who became someone whom I thought I could be together with.
He introduced me into the AJ circle, he brought me clubbing. He changed much more faster then I did... and soon, he was no longer the person I knew.... or wanted to know.
If I did not meet Samuel, most likely I'd have entered the AJ circle at a much later age, known much less people, and of course, I'd most likely have never gone clubbing at all...
He did impact my life. But the thing is.. he only treated the relationship like a stepping stone. Not something to last, but something to tie him over before he steps over to another person.
That hurts.
5) Chong Loon
Hmmm. frankly, he is one hellouver person who changed my life.
No. Unlike what you're thinking, he's straight. Very very straight. But I only knew him well for one year, despite being classmates with him for over 3 years.
His relentless persuit for knowledge and his penchance for working really hard rubbed of me.. and sparked a fire that made me work really hard for my O levels, even though I had been doing really badly before that...
Both me and him were quite identical in the way that we think too much about stuff around us. We both studied expressions of people, we inferred from undertones, we discussed human relationship and philosphy.. We talked about current affairs, and the our take on the future.. and what we really wanted to be when we grew up.
In essence, he opened up my eyes to sort out what I wanted to be, and what my future can hold....
His sole driving force was his determination to be the best. And nothing but the best.
And I wasn't about to let his competition get too easy.
Within 2 months, I overtook 85 ranks in my secondary school to become the top 20 students. And when the O level came, both me and him outshone many people who never believed I could make it.
It was all due to sheer hard work, and the support of friendship.
We worked hard together, and together, we created a spark of determination never to lose.
That impacted my life so hard that it unleashed a potential in me that I never realized was there....
hmm.... so this is one of my more wordy entries...
recently I've been writing alot of wordy entries...
sigh... Dominic said something that made me feel really terrible suddenly...
"... I feel that you want to break up with me, but you don't want to say you want to break up with me, so you're doing this so that I will break up with you."
when he said that, I was stunned. Literally stunned. I couldnt think for like almost half a minute...
I never thought that the signals I were sending out were giving him that message....
All I wanted was him to take more responsibility in the relationship...
I mean, it seems like I'm always taking the active role in the relationship.... And I really dislike having to be the active partner all the time...
I mean, it should be balanced right?...
after he said that message, I felt so guilty... I almost wanted to shut the phone and cry for the rest of the night..
I didnt mean to send out such signals..
and I thought you know that I love you so much...
I dont know what to do.... please tell me what to do?...
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